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Hold Horses

by Mike Downey

/
1.
I wasn’t a pleasure to deal with. Pretty much a stick in the mud. I was good if you needed a shot to the back or a friend in the sack. I had some issues to deal with. I was too young, no fun. Well I was trying to get my kicks but I was stuck in the sticks. Relationship didn’t work out so I moved myself up the road. And moved in with a friend of mine in an apartment in Chicago. Ran out of money so I was working the door at the club. It feels like a minute ago when I was living in Chicago. All the boys and all their stereos. My roommate he played the drums. His brother a guitar hero’s son. We were good if you had a riff to rock or a van that locked. We played some shows on the road. We did some shows in the cold. It was right. Well it was something to do and it changed my life. The band just didn’t work out so I moved myself down the road. Was sitting in an airplane looking down on Chicago. And landed in another world to live with the perfect girl. It feels like a minute ago when I was living in Chicago.
2.
You could go all day looking up numbers, typing on papers. Or run down the hallway. Cry for a shadow. Sleep in the station and I do. We go again. I could go all night drinking like always. Hair go sideways. I want to be in love. I am again. Fall in love with you. And hide behind the house and slink around the yard. Tell a secret to every ghost. We go again.
3.
Royalist 03:19
Understanding that this was a mess was the first place I went. Underneath a canopy sky in the snow. These places and how I go. Romanticize its streets and the kiss. Compare the kids to the place I miss. Stockholm it must be centuries old and I grow. These places and how I go. In the castle and keeping a list is the royalist and I.
4.
Little cars in the lake enjoy every morning when they don’t have to drive down the road. When I wake on a wing I’m quick to second language. Spitting stars, kicking clouds, going home. All the boys count their friends and girls number lovers so I’ve been subtracted from the whole. But when I crawl into sleep I’m jumping several borders, ditching cars into lakes by the road. Skyler the road.
5.
I’m spreading out my maps and papers. They’ve covered up the floor. I’ve organized it into phases: this was fun, I was bored. I’m burning old notes from lovers. This is the fuel that strokes the air. I’m expecting favors. It’s as if I was there. Location is nothing. Oh on the flight my eyes won’t close right now and then I’m knocking on your door. Sleep with you tonight. Two impossible lives alright. Location is nothing.
6.
All my friends are such a wreck so I took myself to the psychic. What did he say to me? He said, “You’re not quite the victim, even though on TV you play one.” And then he looked at me and said, “They sort of hate it when you sing and that’s why you run from rain. They rain on you and you love a parade.” All my friends are such a mess so I put myself on a bus and I left town. I met a man who ran a shop. I played him my song, showed him what I got. He had some words for me. He said, “I sort of hate it when you sing. Maybe that’s why you run from rain when I rain on you. And you love a parade.” I sort of hate it when I sing. Maybe that’s why I dig the rain. When it rains on me it pours down, down, down. Rain comes. Watch it pour. Don’t need no more. Here it comes again.
7.
The turnstiles are locked up and so you’ve been jumping, gassing the handles and kicking the bum. You wanted my nickels but I’m feeding you sugar. I caught you expanding into halls of the room. And I bet you’ve never felt so alone. I’d guess that you’ve never been more alone. Not as this. Sending these letters to you in a room. Folding the edges and creasing it through. You’ve responded in code but I was never the breaker. You’ll last forever. You’ve layers like a glacier.
8.
I See it Differently (free) 02:14
You want to get away. So get out. Put off another day. You did it. I see things as they are and sell them from the corner. Talk like an author. You said it. Now you regret it. Own it. I see it differently. Around the house and around. Around the house. Round it out. You took a holiday. You took it. Straight shot getaway like a rocket.
9.
Tell on You 01:47
If I could tell on you I would. Because that could really mean something. Fold on you like I did. In the floating casino where I only ignored you. Never to follow you again. If I could tell on you I would. That could be a real thing. Release you like I did. I cut that lathe in the morning and spun it into nothing. Never to hear you again.
10.
I hear echoes from my past. Chances I let go. Old souvenirs of days now so far away. So I search the radio for a line about you. And heaven seems so strange. It seems so far away. In my hand a photograph; a mirror to the past. You’re all I wanted then. You’re what I wanted then. Just another kiss goodbye. Some day I’ll make you mine. I’m dying to see if you’ll let me steal your heart away. Some day. So many miles in three long years. All souvenirs of passing fears. And I search the radio for a line or two. And the voices seem to glow. And all the people seem to know that heaven is so far away. It is so far away. And I’m sitting on the plane high above the James. You’re all I wanted then.
11.
Runaway 02:20
So we run run. So we runaway. Runaway like we never came. I wait on a distant star for a chance to travel back. To send me through to you.
12.
Boof of Life 02:15
Owning who you are to double back and dig the world. Cutting out to avoid the ends and fucking over friends. So hold on to what you’ve got. Crease it. Tie the knot. Move your tiny flock to open spaces. Connect a dot. Owning who you are.

credits

released February 5, 2008

heartphone : hrtph002

All songs written, recorded and mixed 2006 – 2007 at Miljonprogrammet (Uppsala) and Funkis & Svettis (Stockholm) by Mike Downey.

artwork by mperfectdesignco.

“Steal Your Heart Away” originally recorded by The Eleventh Hour.

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Audio Graves Motala, Sweden

Audio Graves is an archive of Mike Downey's solo and side projects spanning from the mid-'90s through 2018.

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